The Suburban Urban Uniform

I spotted this little fella on my through East Barnet Village Friday evening. He came out of the local Budgens supermarket, carrier bag in hand, dropping this serious 'hold on to your handbags' gangsta look. Awesome pose. Nuff said

"Deep Pan Stuffed or Hovis Brown Toasted?"

Nah, not that kinda CRUST. We talking serious diamond enCRUST! Forget BLING, make space in your ever so limited, ever shrinking, modern day vocabulary for the new king of description when it comes to referencing one's grotesque embellishment with the finest of fine jewels. Yeah, you thought you knew about this guy, well, not only is he the self proclaimed 'King of Crunk', he's defintely in the running for some regal title as one of THE ambassadors of 'CRUST'. But, don't go following this dudes example when it comes to dentistry, unless of course you can afford the real deal, cos I just heard that US health officials are predicting that the biteback of 'low quality CRUST implants' is likely to be a huge health concern in years to come. Junk food diet residues entangled in the knooks of badly CRUSTed teeth...well, you can only imagine can't you!

"...p-push it, real good!"

Yes, yes! What an awesome pair of leggings. The kind Neneh Cherry, Salt'n'Pepa would have gone 'head to head', and 'toe to toe' over, putting their super heavy I.D. knuckle dusters to plenty good use. And topping it off with hot pink laces....ouch, scorchio!

Limo for kids

"NO WAY! What next?" was my response to seeing this huge pink monstrosity.
A pink limo is bad enough, let alone one full of pre-pubescent girls. Since when did kids roll through the west end of town hurling abuse and firing off round after round of non-sensical wailings at random? Since now it would seem.